I freaking hate you.
Seriously. You are the legit worst.
We've had an on and off relationship. Mostly off because I can't stand your judgement as you watch me eat my way through Taco Tuesday (which is basically every day).
But I read this article this morning and got all inspired.
I absolutely abhor the idea of automating things that are personal. Water trackers give me rage nosebleeds (just drink water all day. Not hard.) The idea of a shared online calendar between spouses gives me the creeps (talk to each other - don't be a stalker). I don't have a to-do list on my phone. I don't track my ovulation on an app (because I'm always more accurate than an app! Thank you, Taking Charge of your Fertility.) I keep lists in a (gasp) notebook.
Maybe it's my "old Millennial" status, but I just hate that everything is automated.
But when I started thinking about tracking my food and adding up calories, I got really tired. This is one automation that I can get behind because I don't think about what I eat. And I certianly don't have an idea of how many calories are in a certain item. My brain has way too much to think about to memorize that information. So I downloaded my old friend, MyFitnessPal.
So to recap how I got to this place of desperation, let's back up. I was in a car accident last week and was subsequently given muscle relaxers to help me recover. I am REALLY sensitive to medication. I don't drink and don't do drugs of any kind - so these hit me kind of hard. Husband came home on Saturday (at around 1 am) to me sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off into space and when he asked me what I was doing, I just started laughing. We apparently had a whole 45 minute conversation that I don't really remember. I didn't believe him that it had been that bad so when I took these again last night, he filmed me.
It was hilarious - and it WILL NOT BE POSTED because I was very much in my nightgown - but he played it for me this morning on the way to work and I was MESSED. UP.
Once I stopped laughing at myself and my fan theories about Grey's Anatomy, I realized a horrifying thing about my body. Ummmmmmmmm - that's what I look like????
But OMG. My years of shape wear, good hair, selfies and controlling my own light has really been deceptive. I look GROSS. I wiggle in a way that I don't think I should wiggle! This is not a pity blog! Or, a self-body shaming blog. I don't care how YOU look but I am not into how I look right now.
Years and years and years of reminders from my family and society have informed me that yes, I am fat. But for the past 8 years or so, basically since I had my son, I haven't given two craps about what society thinks that I should look like. Because of aforementioned shape ware, make up and good hair - I wear clothes really well, I always look presentable and I have a pretty face. Whatever, I look cuter than you.
But this video (No! You can't see it!) makes me realize that I probably can't move as well as I should and I should be taking better care of how I take care of my health. Thus the reintroduction of the MyFitnessPal.
First off, it's way too goal oriented. I get it. We should lose weight but who are you to tell me what my goal weight is?
I was going to type in 190 and then...
Okay, then. 160 it is.
And then when they ask me how many pounds per week I would like to lose, I'm met with this:
Yeah, I super hate you.
But unfortunately, I have to be super honest with you because honestly? If I'm not honest with you, there's no point. Numbers don't lie and neither do calories!
So get ready, my Fitness Pal. I'm about the load all of my rage over keeping myself accountable to you. Let's do this, you judgmental scum.